Update

By the way, I have decided to launch a totally different blog site....
I love being able to talk about being a mommy and preparing for baby, but I do have other interests! Stay tuned..

Having it All

In my previous post, I talked about what I wanted to do when I grow up. However, do we really get to pick and choose? The expectations that are placed upon us ranging from our parent's, friends, teachers, extended family members to society in general...they all know what is best for us. Society and everybody wants us to be career minded women while raising the perfect family. We are expected to finish school with the perfect degree and come out making a fortune while at the same time finding that perfect mate to settle down with and have kids.

As we all know from this blog, that was not the path I had taken. I took the less conventional route in starting my own family. However, that was my choice. There are plenty of other women who are still going about it the traditional way and I think it's good. But with so many expectations placed upon a woman's shoulder, it's no wonder that she may face a few obstacles while trying to achieve her goals. Women today have more options than ever before on what they can do with their lives. We have television shows and the media tempting us into the glamorous lifestyle just waiting for us somewhere out there. Family is put on hold so that you can globe trot and explore what life can truly offer you. At the same time, you have family members telling you to stop living in dream land, hurry up and find that husband so you can start your family while you are young. While you see and hear about all of these things, does anyone truly tell you how to achieve these things? You're left wondering, "What is it that you really want out of life?" And why are these expectations so emphasized while you are still in your 20's??

People are living longer than ever before. We are able to do more things within our lifetime than our ancestors. So the why the rush? Women can have babies in their late 30's - 40's. I say instead of listening to what everyone says you should do with your life, you should listen to your own heart and really chase after what will make you happy. You will never know what that could be until you actually go for it. Sitting around and just daydreaming about it will only fuel our curiosity some more. The world truly is at our finger tips. I am having a baby at a relatively young age still..but that doesn't mean, my goals have stopped there. I believe women can have it all....but I believe it also comes in time. We don't get it all at once, if we did, what would we do then with our lives? Some of us are just late bloomers. :) And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Life is meant to be explored, enjoyed, and to learn from. We have all heard that. I think we just need to remember that when we see someone else having all these things that we don't. Whether you have it all or not right now, it's about ..are you happy or not? While there are all these expectations on women, it all tends to crumble down if we are not happy in the end.

When I grow up....

As children playing on the swing sets , how often did we say to our friends, "When I grow up I'm going to..." And the list of things that we said we would accomplish seemed endless. One minute you wanted to be a doctor helping to save the world, the next minute, you wanted to be someone famous so you can dress up in pretty outfits and have fans adoring you. I know I used to spend my summers lying in the grass staring up at the clouds just fantasizing about how my life will be when I grow up....

At 27, I would say that I am pretty grown up by now. I didn't become a doctor saving a ton of lives or a famous singer landing on the top 40 list but I have had experiences where the memories of them will forever be etched in my mind. I've traveled to places where even postcards couldn't do it any justice. The exotic places I have gotten to see are so staggeringly beautiful that it literally took my breath away. Hawaii has this peaceful tranquility about it, that you instantly feel uplifted right when you drive away from the airport. The green mountaintops hidden behind misty white clouds make you feel transported to another dimension. It looks like how I imagine heaven would be. But nothing compared to the Canadian Rockies. Everyone who knows me would assume Hawaii would be my favorite place but in actuality...the breathtaking beauty of the Canadian Rockies made the most impression on me. The natural raw landscape that belongs to our northern neighbor looks like it came out of a fairy tale. Being there felt so far away from home, it really helped me get reacquainted with who I am. You are nestled deep in the valley surrounded by mountains and rivers. It was the safest place that I have ever felt.

So traveling to different places within the span of two years definitely satisfied the wanderlust that I had. I remember being in high school and saying, "I want to travel when I'm done with school." There are still places I would like to see, Venice, Paris, New Zealand, Tahiti, and Bali.....but for the most part I am deeply thankful that I got to see amazing landscapes that some people will go their whole lives never seeing. So maybe life didn't turn out the way that I imagined they would when I was a little girl, but I would say that it's been an amazing journey so far. I have loved with a passion and had my heart broken into a million pieces. I have laughed a thousand times and stayed up all night consoling a friend.

And now onto a new journey.....I can't even imagine how much my life is going to dramatically change after my little one's arrival. Already he has inspired me in so many ways. He has been the push to get me to do something I have always loved...writing. I am on the brink of the unknown. I am excited and nervous all at once to turn onto life's next corner......

A Little Blue

With the way that I've been going lately, how do I even have time to stop and analyze my feelings? For some reason after work today and having dinner at my family's house, I came back home feeling a bit melancholy. There's a heaviness around my heart and I'm not sure what the reason is. Could it be that Fall is just around the corner? I know that always gets everyone feeling a bit nostalgic...

I remember during this time of year, I would be starting new classes at school and meeting all sorts of new and interesting people. That could be another reason why the blues are upon me. But just like everything else in life, there are seasons for everything. My life is about to take on a major transition. These are the last few days of it ever being just about me. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally excited and can't wait to hold my precious baby in my arms, but I'm also saying goodbye to an identity that I've held onto for a very long time....

No more cocktail hours after work with my girlies, no more spending hours at a time in the bookstore devouring fashion magazines, and no more buying tons of makeup that I will never truly use anyways. I will miss some of that very much, I'm sure. I would be lying if I said, those things will no longer matter. But overall, I am ready for this new endeavor, it's just letting go of the old me and welcoming the new. :)

Random Thoughts

Up to date, I had so far very much enjoyed carrying the little one around. But now, he is getting heavier and heavier. I have to literally roll out of bed every morning. It would actually be quite funny if I wasn't so tired. I also the get the pitying looks from co-workers when they see me climbing up the stairs. "Yes, people I have 2 more months to go!" Sometimes, I feel like I need a wheel barrel to get me around. The good news is, cooler weather should be heading our way soon. I feel for mothers who are in their 8th or 9th month of pregnancy during the months of July and August. Eek!

Today was especially a cooler day and boy did it feel good to me. I could feel the breeze gently caressing my face whenever I stepped outside. However, just getting out of my chair at work or walking across to the other side of the building can be like a workout for me. Okay, I'm whining. Overall, I'm just excited to meet my little one. You spend so much time daydreaming about your baby during pregnancy, that by the last few months, you can't wait to put him in the little outfits that has already been steadily building. They say that only little girls have the cute outfits but so far I have picked out some adorable boy clothing for my little pumpkin. He is definitely going to be stylin. Also, I have always loved how Angelina Jolie used put Maddox's hair into a small mohawk. Hopefully, my little one will have enough hair for me to do that in a few months!

Everyone is waiting for his arrival with bated breath. I am so lucky to have great friends who are overjoyed to see me prego. I have always wanted a baby before 30 and now I'm 27. It feels right. Maybe it's not the conventional way of having a child, but anyone can attest to how responsible I am. I have learned that life isn't perfect and things may not always go your way but how you handle those obstacles speak a lot louder than coasting through an easy ride. The good news is, I know I'm not the only women in the world who is in this position. Therefore, I wanted to create this blog to offer a kind of comfort to anyone who may be able to relate to my story. My friends know me better than almost anyone, but no one can truly understand what it feels like to go through a pregnancy without a partner unless you were in the same position. It makes you stronger inside and you truly see how resilient women can be when they need to step up to the plate. Cheers Ladies! :)

New Changes

It has been a pretty busy weekend. Did a lot of errands and hung out with one of my best friends who I haven't hung out with in forever. We have known each other for a long time and did a lot of things together in the past few years. But ever since I found out I was prego...a small wedge of distance have come between us. We used to talk about how our many friends change after becoming parent's and all they ever talk about our babies. We just didn't understand those friends. We were aligned in our thinking and made a silent pact to never turn into one of those moms. Alas.....times have changed, and guess who is in that boat now??

And the whole mommy brain just sort of creeps up on you. I went from a girl who had so many interests and a thirst to learn all of these interesting things from around the world. And I still am the same girl, but now....everything I think about follows with.."What else will my baby need? Have I saved enough for maternity leave? Did I eat pretty well today? The baby sure is moving around a lot in my tummy." It just happens. One day you are a girl who only has to think about herself and the next thing you know, your whole brain is occupied with the little person inside of you. Now before I hung out with my friend yesterday, she sort of had a talk with me about it. I totally understood where she was coming from. Her best friend had changed virtually overnight. I still love hearing about her life and what's been going on, but now that I'm home more often and doing so many other things to prepare for baby, we just don't have as much in common anymore. And that's how we fell out of sync. Don't get me wrong, she loves hearing about the baby and how he's doing in my belly, but she does not want 90% of our conversation to be about him and I don't blame her. I'm happy to say, when we hung out yesterday...it was really good to catch up and baby was mentioned only a few times. At least I think so. I tend to mention him and not even realize it. Oops.

At the end of the day, I just had to reconcile with the fact that my life is never going to be the same again. I won't get to relate to my single friends who have no attachments the way that I used to be able to. That's just how life is. But I am gaining so much too. I can't wait to hold my precious little one in a couple of months. My friend and I acknowledged the change but also promised that we will always love each other and will do whatever we can to remain close. No matter what happens, we will always be there for one another. I can't wait for my baby to meet his auntie.

Emotions

Never before have I cried so much during a period of time. I cry so easily now. When someone says something really sweet to me, I am easily touched. I am more sensitive and sympathizing to everyone around me now. I think it is because I want to bring my baby into a world full of kindness towards strangers and everyone around. When you are expecting, how the world is like surrounding you becomes very important. You're more aware of how you would like things to be before this new life is about to enter into our world.

I'm so easily moved by the stories that I hear from everyone everyday. It starts with a simple "How's your day going?" to get people to open up and tell you something small or big. By doing that, you may provide someone with a kind of release that they may have needed at that moment. We all get so stuck in our own little world. It's easy to get wrapped up in our own issues. But by stepping out and hearing what others are going through, you are not only showing kindness, you are also seeing things from another perspective. It may make you feel like you are less alone or grateful for the blessings in your own life. Since I am experiencing heavier emotions than what I normally have, it's now easier for me to understand someone else's turmoil. I hope that I'm offering the kind of sympathy to those who come to me that I would like to receive. My baby has made me see it's not always about me. Everything I eat affects him. Every decision I make will affect him. He has helped to open me up. In a larger sense this has helped me truly understand that what I give in this world is just as important as what I get.

Off It Went

I couldn't take it anymore and with this hot weather feeling like it's endless...I chopped my hair off and have never felt better. My best friends really didn't want me to but they don't have to hassle with it an infant coming along soon, I just do not want to deal with styling it in the mornings. A lot of women say that urge to cut hair happens during pregnancy and it's so true. But with prenatal vitamins taken everyday your hair grows so fast!

Comments Comments Comments Everywhere!!

It is so amazing the many things I have heard people say about my pregnancy. One of my buddies last month said to me, "You look like you are about to pop! No, seriously are you supposed to be this big at 6 months?" See the thing is, in the beginning of my pregnancy I had a hard time gaining weight, and that worried me. So I overcompensated and overate. Now my doctor has put me on a diet because he said getting too big too fast is not good on my frame. I gained about 25 pounds in only two months. No idea how that happened (donuts, brownies, and cake was too hard to resist at work)!! So sitting around yesterday at the birthday party, I tell everyone about the doctor's orders and my buddy once again said, "Does it look like she's suffering?" He asks that while pointing at me as I'm stuffing my face with another sloppy joe burger. I have to say, I love eating for two :)
But I am doing my best and listening to my doctor and actually ever since he told me to slow down, I have not gained weight, but have leveled off quite well which will make him happy when I go in this Friday.

So on my frame and the way that I was gaining weight, other co-workers ask me, "Are you sure you're not having twins?" "How much longer do you have?" My belly is pretty big, but I wanted a chubby baby!! However, with the way my back is hurting lately and still 2 months to go, I'm beginning to see why everyone wants me to slow down!! I guess no 9 pounds baby for me. Haha. When I told my doctor about me wanting that, his eyes almost popped out. I'm only 5 feet tall. Everyone seems to agree with him, me having a baby that big will not be easy on me. So I will believe them.

Today my back felt much better! I think it is because I slept with even more pillows around me. I almost started sleeping on my recliner but gave my bed one more chance and added the pillows. I also made a note to myself to shift positions a lot more during the night. So all is good in my prego world again. With my big belly and the way I waddle around the offices at work, everyone always ask how I'm doing. They must think I'm pretty uncomfortable, but I'm okay. Getting up the stairs make me lose my breath a bit....but overall, I can maneuver around just fine. The expressions on every one's face though is pretty funny when they are staring at my belly. I'm enjoying it all.

Is it only Monday?

I wish the weekend was here already. I woke up this morning and had the worst backache..and I heard it only gets worse from here until he's born. Thank goodness my co-worker gave me a small massage at work. She's a lifesaver. It hurt so bad by the end of the work day, I thought I would start crying then and there. It's so hard to shift positions because of my big belly that I tend to stay in only one position the whole night long and wake up so sore!
It's days like this that I feel like I'm ready to have him now. Two more months! Oh my goodness.

It's so funny because on my good days, I'm like...wow this is great, I can go through this for another couple of months. But not so much today. Instead, all I wish for is a massage every night. It makes me feel a little sad because I wish I had someone who was here for me, someone I could lean on. However, I know things happen for a reason, and on the days that I'm feeling wonderful, I count my blessings for everything that I do have in my life. A little self pity every now and then makes me human, right? Okay time to turn in. By the way, if anyone reading this has any kind of advice on getting through the last trimester, I welcome it freely. :)

Ahh..Sunday

The weekends always go by way too fast. So many errands to do and in between just relaxing around the home. Next thing you know....it's almost time for another work day. Another crazy week about to begin. It's good and bad because that means pretty soon my baby will be born. I'm very excited about that. I got some more cloths for him over the weekend. Why are baby cloths so adorable? I can't wait to put him in them. Makes me even more anxious to hold him.

Every one's advice to me is..don't buy too many cloths, wait until the baby shower...and also they grow out of new born clothing very fast. Even knowing all of that, I keep wanting to make sure he has enough! Tomorrow is my best friend's son's birthday celebration. So I'm running over there right after work and have even more errands to do in the evenings later on in the week. This is why I love having low key weekends. My weeks are always so crazy on top of working. Yesterday, I was at the hospital for about 4 hours! They had to draw blood because they think I might have gestational diabetes. They literally took my blood every hour. And you can't eat or drink for 8 hours before then. I asked everyone around, "Doesn't that starve the baby not eating for so long?!" And everyone just laughed at me. At the hospital it was exhausting. I was soooo tired while waiting there, that they gave me a warm blanket and I slept in between the blood draws in the waiting room. But the new the hospital looks amazing! I can't wait to take a tour of the maternity ward. I need to schedule that very soon.

My baby shower is not until a month before I'm due in October. I can't wait to see what kind of baby things I will get. I told of all my friends though, not too many games. I remember going to all these baby showers and having to play all of these games, it was so boring for me! I do not want to do that to others. I'm having a guy's and girl's shower because some of my male friends actually want to come too! I'm very lucky to have the support. So instead of just a normal shower, I want it to be more like a party and fun for everyone. I even asked that there be drinks to serve even though I can't have any :( I want people to leave my shower saying, they had a great time! Realistic or not?? We'll see. Haha

I hope to become a really cool and modern mom. I don't want to be one of those mom's who get sucked in the baby world and never seem to come out of it. Not to say there is anything wrong with that. But whenever I would hang out with a mommy friend in the past, all she could talk about were baby things. Then again, they were mainly stay at home mom's, which they are lucky to be able to do. However, for myself, I want to be a great mom while still very in touch with the world around me. I want to be able to relate to my single friends in some ways too. I know I will be different but hopefully not too much. Am I kidding myself? Again, I'll have to see. Already though I see that I'm pretty wrapped up in preparing for the baby, but I still make time to chat with my friends, have dinner with them, watch the news, and catch up on celebrity gossip. I wonder how much of that will have to go once baby arrives...

Picture of me

Finally put in a tiny pic of me up. I was hesitant to...but then decided to just do it. I'm always curious about the writer when I'm reading their stories, so I posted my pic. This was taken two weeks ago.

Friday at last!!

It has been one incredibly hectic week and I don't even have an infant to worry about just yet. I can only imagine how busy I will be at that time. The weather is so much nicer and cooler this week, and when you are in the last trimester of your pregnancy..you appreciate that. During the really hot weeks, I felt like I was literally in an oven. Now I understand the phrase "bun in the oven." I had to sit in my cubicle at work with the fan directly on me. My co-workers kept saying it's the hormones. So....hormones can make you that hot?? And I'm the kind of girl who luuuuuvvvs Miami. Before I was ever prego, I used to tell people, I could move to a place where I never had to see winter again and be really happy about it. So it was really strange when during my sweat sessions at work, I found myself day dreaming about winter's arrival this year.

How do women who live in hot places stand the last trimester? Thank goodness I'm due in November. So it's a Friday night and I'm at home exhausted from a full and busy work week. That's not to say that Friday night's were such a wild time for me when I wasn't prego, but I wouldn't stay in EVERY Friday night either. I think deep down, I longed for something more grounding in my life. Nothing sounds better to me right now than to curl up with a good book and lay in bed. I have to be up incredibly early tomorrow anyways. Whenever I wanted to just stay in on the weekends before, my friends would not really allow me to and urged me to go out with them. Once in awhile, I got to do what I wanted and stayed in, but I got the strangest looks from people every time I told them I was seriously a homebody! I don't know what it was about my appearance that told people that I enjoyed the social scene so much. I am young and outgoing, and I must say cute looking (not gorgeous), but there are more things to life then getting buzzed every single weekend! But I can't lie, I do miss my glass of wine during dinner on occasion and a cold beer during the hot times. The sacrifices you make to ensure your baby is going to be okay in his little home for now.

The worst thing I've really had to sacrifice though is my daily jolt of strong coffee in the mornings! I feel like a zombie for the first 40 minutes at work each day and can't do anything about it. My doctor has been pretty strict...he really does not want me to consume any caffeine, I'm not sure if it's because of my size or what. I'm a pretty petite girl, but I've heard that some women are allowed a bit of coffee each day. Maybe my doctor's overprotective?? Not sure, but too afraid to go against his orders. So the first real taste of espresso in a few months will be like a drop of heaven for me...

Lastly since I've started this blog, I realize I haven't discussed any further on how it feels like to be prego and not have the father in my life. To be honest, the first 3-4 months of realizing that I was going at it alone, deeply saddened me. I would cry myself to sleep afraid of what the future held and what the opinion of others would be. However, everyone who knows me knows that I'm incredibly independent and resilient. They kept telling me that I was going to be fine and I am very fortunate to have the support that I have. Sure enough, after the 4th month, I slowly got used to the idea of raising my baby without his father. I also read other stories from single mom's and it truly uplifted me. Now I'm happy to say, I have never looked back and am incredibly excited about the future. My co-worker even made a comment today before I left that I'm really lucky because I didn't have to answer to anybody, which made me laugh out loud. And it's so true! That's the best part! Pretty soon that will all change and the demands of my little man will command all of my attention. :) By the way, I found this picture above at this one website and thought it was beautiful..it's not me :)

More Planning

I can't believe how stressed I was yesterday. For some reason today, the list of things I still need to do is still there but I have a firmer grip on my emotions today. Thank goodness. It takes only one little thing to get me all worked up and crying! I hate it. Someone says one thing to hurt my feelings and there goes the waterworks. It's kind of embarrassing, especially at work. I try to hold it in but I just can't seem to. Talk about hormones. I hope this part passes after the baby is born. I need to go back to being my normal calm self. Haha...if I ever really was there.

I'm going to keep this post short today because it's late for me, and I have to go nightie night. I'm going to post a much longer one tomorrow.....
This daily writing really does actually help me a lot.

Lists, Lists, and More Lists

I am reaching the stage where I'm just anxious about everything. I still have about 2 1/2 months to go before baby arrival, but I feel like there are still a million things to do before he gets here. I am constantly making lists and reminders of what needs to be done. On top of that, in your last trimester you are so tired! Which is even stranger because when the lights are out, it's hard to fall asleep. All you can think about are the things that you still need to do.

I just read a list of what I need to pack for the hospital stay....so that prompted me to schedule in some time of packing that. The list seems endless on top of other regular chores, like getting my car oil change this weekend. Even in my downtime, I'm thinking..man, I still have to do this and that. There just isn't enough time in one day. And even worse if I wanted to really relax, why is there nothing to watch on tv?? All of these reality shows really stink. I hope once the Fall Season starts the shows will get better. See...my mind just sort of drifts from one topic to the other. It could be that way even more so now because I had a long day at work and I'm feeling pretty exhausted.

With so many things running through my mind, time just seems to be zooming by. On one hand, I can't wait to hold my baby in my arms, on the other hand, I'm going to miss the feeling of carrying him inside of me. Sometimes, I just sit in amazement staring at my belly knowing there is a little person inside there. It's truly such a magical time. I don't even miss going out for late nights with the girls or dancing until the sun comes up. Everything just sort of shifted for me when I knew I was expecting. Although I have to say I was getting tired of that whole scene for awhile now. But I was incredibly carefree pre-prego times. Now, there will be another person I will need to look out for. It's not all about me anymore, and that is what creates the dramatic shifts. I never fully got it, even hearing about it from my other mommy friends. You don't know the true depth of how much you can worry until another life matters more than your own. Life takes on a new meaning. You really start to appreciate things a lot more and the kindness and support you receive from everyone will truly touch your heart.

Well...I just changed the title. I think this should be okay for now...

New Name

I wanted to continue this blog after my baby is born and just realized that the name of this blog wouldn't fit by then. Oh well..think more on that later. It's amazing how much energy I still have being in my 7th month. Work has kept me busier than ever and I feel so needed. I love it!

But then I go off to lunch at some place nearby the workplace and I see all of these mothers with their babies enjoying a leisurely meal. The guilt then starts to sink in.....

I won't be able to able to plan mommy and baby lunch dates 7 days a week because I will have to go back to work as soon as my maternity leave is over. You hear about mothers always feeling guilty but I got to experience it a moment today when I saw all of these strollers in the restaurant. I won't get to be around my baby all day long planning our activities like going to the park, museums, or libraries. After that moment of guilt/sadness passed, I remembered that I have to work in order to take care of both of us. I am doing what's responsible and necessary to ensure that my baby gets what he needs. Would I like to be home all day? Sure, but since that is not an option, I will make sure that every second that I have with my baby is filled with love and focused on him.

Now I do realize I won't be the only mother in this world working and thank goodness for that! There are so many women out there who seem to do it all. They are the ones to look up to and admire. They are also the ones who are great at giving advice to new mothers going back into the workforce. They offer comfort, sympathy, and support when you seem to need it most. I am thankful to be around other women like that. Makes me feel a little less alone..

Lastly I wanted to mention a side benefit of being pregnant....the glow! Everyone comments on it. And believe it or not I never felt more attractive than when I'm wearing a baby doll dress with my belly sticking out and me smiling with pure happiness. You're carrying another life! It far out weighs most of everything else. :)

Now I just need to figure out what to do about the title of my blog...

Day two

I have started this blog and I definitely want to continue. After posting my first blog last night, I felt this huge weight just lift. Even though I have spoken to those around me about my innermost feelings on being prego, something about getting it all out there writing on the Internet and possibly having others read what I had to say, felt very cleansing for me.

There are so many side effects that comes with being pregnant that nothing in the world can prepare you for it and each women experiences different things. I can only describe what I have gone through. You alternate between feelings of anxiety because you don't feel fully prepared, (mentally or financially) to moments of pure joy picturing your baby in your arms. The highs and lows dip back and forth, an emotional roller coaster you feel daily.

I remember one day when my car's battery just stopped working. I was about 3 months along and I ended calling one of my best friends crying because my fears got the best of me once again. In my head, I was like, "What would I do in this situation if my car runs out of me, and my baby is in the back seat in his carrier!?" All sorts of scenarios went through my mind...what if it's in the middle of winter...what if it's night time on a deserted road? When my best friend calmed me down and the logical side of me came out once again. I remembered that I have a cell phone and plenty of family and friends who would come to my aid in a second. It was good in the world again until some other thing would happen that would bring my world tumbling. Those are the types of things that I experienced in the first four months of my pregnancy. Now I'm just cruising along, not to say I still don't tear up every now and then, but I'm much too excited for my baby's impending birth to think of much else. By the way, I'm happy to say I am having a baby boy! If I didn't mention that earlier. Oh and that's the other thing, your mind sort of goes when your pregnant. You'll be talking about something and mid sentence have no clue where it was leading to. Friends and co-workers found this hilarious with me because I've always been so sharp. I just blame it on the baby. :) You get away with a lot more when they see you are growing another person in your belly.

Life's Twists and Turns

I've had my fill of the many turns life can take and have learned that you never truly know what could be around the corner. However, last March I had a surprise in my life that would truly turn my world upside down. I found out, I was pregnant! So many emotions went through me all at once. Shock, happiness, and mainly fear! I called the father to be and needless to say, he was not happy at all. We had not been dating for very long and his silence spoke volumes. I won't go into the details about him but he and I are no longer dating. I am now happily in my last trimester after many emotional upheavals during the first two trimesters. Not only was I pregnant but I had also just started working at a new company. Everyone knew I was not married and was only dating. How was I going to explain that I was now pregnant.... To my surprise, everyone was extremely supportive and promised to help in any way they could. The first four months were so hard, even though I knew without a doubt, I wanted my baby. I didn't realize the emotions that came with being pregnant and on top of that the fear that comes with "Raising a baby as a single Mother." Luckily I have a wonderful family and a tight knit group of friends who were there for me when my fears were so overwhelming I thought I would never be able to make it through another day. I cried at the drop of a hat, so terrified of being the worst mother possible. That went on for a very long time. Sometime in the middle of the second trimester I started to calm down because there was so much planning that needed to be done before Baby arrived. And you know what? Planning really helped me! I couldn't dwell any longer on the many fears impending parenthood can bring. Instead, there were things like childcare, crib, stroller, and bassinets, all that a baby needs before his/her arrival that lifted me out of my gloomy fog. And here I am today....I decided to create a blog about this because one day I am sure I will want to look back at this time and remember everything I experienced. I actually love being pregnant. Whenever I feel the strain in my lower back and feel exhausted just walking a few feet, I feel the baby rolling around inside of me and experience this utter feeling of what a miracle life can be. :) So from now on....I will post more stories of what life has been like to discover at 26 with the world wide open at a new company, I discovered I was pregnant.