I had to post this pic up.

He loves to smile for the camera!

I Just Want to Make My Baby Happy

Having a baby means everything else comes second in your life. This past week, I even told my boss that no matter what, Baby K will always come first. The reason why I stated that is because in the first year a baby has a lot of doctor's appointments, ailments, and just other things that might prevent me from going into work. Luckily he totally understands but I just can't be the worker that I used to be. I used to work late all the time, and now as soon as the time comes for the work day to end, I rush off to pick my baby up. It seems like the evening hours are way too short and so I'm always in a hurry! The life of a working mom!

So by the weekend when I get to be with my baby 24/7, I tend to spoil him. Before I had him, I was this logical woman who read the books and understood the advice on what mothers should do with a baby. It all goes completely out the window when you finally have one of your own. In my Dr.'s waiting room this past week, I read in a baby magazine, that a child's cry is like a ticking time bomb to a mother's heart. How true is that! When I used to hear other baby's cry before, I would either get annoyed or be able to just drown it out. Now, the littlest peep that comes out of baby K's mouth, I'm instantly on high alert. Another mom was trying to soothe her baby when I went to pick baby K up at his childcare the other night and I told her, "I used to think it was really annoying to hear baby's whining but now that I have baby K, I actually think it's adorable sometimes." She understood and said, "It's just their way of communicating because they can't talk yet." Btw, her baby is totally cute with big chubby cheeks. When I go visit baby K during my lunch breaks and he's asleep, I pick this little guy up and comfort him when the other's have their hands full. Baby K has definitely brought out another side of me.

So back to my weekend, a lot of things gets pushed to the side when it's just me and him. His sad face and arms outstretched makes me drop everything just so that I can put a smile on his little face again. I barely even remember the life I had before he came along. Everything revolves around him. However, the time that I do have to get things done, it is used a lot more efficiently. I used to spend whole Sunday's doing nothing but watch movies and eat. I was pretty lazy! Haha! Now, I spend my free time doing a lot more writing and planning. I'm trying to reach the goals I have in mind for the year! I even had time today to write a longer post for this blog. Wow! I hope spring comes sooner this year. I don't know about anyone else but I think I'm just over winter. :) Ciao everyone!

The never sleeping baby

My baby is curious about everything around him. If he could, he would sleep with one eye open just so that he doesn't miss anything. Now I love spending time with him but I only have two arms. It's almost impossible to get anything done because when he's awake, he wants mommy to play with him, carry him, cuddle with him, and basically be where he can see me at ALL times. I keep reminding myself that one day, he's not going to want mommy around and so I try to do as much as I can when he's napping. But lately, napping doesn't happen very much or it doesn't last very long.

Auntie H visited on Sunday and sure enough Baby K was in his baby carrier. I love it because it allows me to have my hands free and at the same time he is still attached watching me do chores. I have to admit when I pass by a mirror, he looks adorable just hanging there like a little monkey and it also makes him laugh when he sees himself, but am I getting carried away here? I read about putting your baby in a carrier while doing things around the home and not just using it outside and I do like the idea of finally putting it to use but I think it's just making baby K get even more attached to mommy.

But he's growing so fast! Everyday he changes right before my eyes. I can't believe the tiny little newborn I brought home from the hospital just 3 months ago is now this baby who is getting pretty heavy in my arms! I am gaining major muscle strength. And he loves to play. As active as he is, I don't know how he can go so long without sleeping. However the little guy is asleep right now. Amazingly. Actually he has a tiny cold and so after a warm cuddle with mommy tonight, he fell into a peaceful sleep. I have a feeling he will be stirring soon so I better get other things done fast. Hope everyone is having a good New Year so far!

In My Baby's Eyes

Baby K's crying will wake me out of the deepest sleep in the middle of the night but the second his eyes sees my face he immediately breaks into a smile. He loves to have anyone smiling and talking to him. He giggles at whatever anyone says as long as that person is talking to him. And on so many occasions, when I'm holding him and he's staring up into the air just smiling away. It confirms for me that there are angels around. At first, I did think it was gas and that's why he would stare off into space and make a face, but now it happens all the time. He even does his baby gurgling and fist waving when he's looking up.

There is so much innocence in my baby's eyes that it's hard to believe the world can be a dangerous place. He looks at me with such open trust and adoration with his big brown eyes. And when his eyes fill with tears because mommy stepped away for a second, it literally breaks my heart to see it. He really is an extension of me. Whatever he feels, I feel it double the amount.

Lastly, I also believe there is wisdom behind his sweet stare. When I'm feeling overwhelmed and can't help but to break down and cry while holding him, he calmly looks at me as if to say, "it's all going to work out mommy." He makes me a better me.

Dating??

This blog is about putting it out there about my experience as a single mom, and well as a single mom, I am constantly trying to juggle everything. Work, chores, dinner, and spending quality time with my son. So on the topic of dating, it's hard for me to even imagine making time to do it. However, a lot of people have encouraged me to keep an open mind. The fear that I have is what if I meet someone I really like? That might take me away from my son even more...
Baby K's caretaker keeps advising me on the importance of having me time and not to feel guilty about it. Way easier said then done. However, I did some spend some time over the weekend with an old friend and he reminded me of what it feels like to be appreciated by a guy. We spent hours catching up and laughing. By the time I came home to my baby, I felt rejuvenated. It was really nice to have someone there to listen to me while I poured my heart out about everything that has happened over that past few years and months. Don't get me wrong, I have the greatest friends but having a guy's perspective and attention is slightly different.

Now I don't know if or when I will be ready to step back into the dating scene. But for now I'm still learning how to balance everything. No wonder I heard from so many other mom's the importance of balance. Guilt is a major factor! I feel guilty when I drop Baby K off in the morning. I feel guilty when I just want to bury myself in a novel for a whole day. I feel guilty when I silently beg for baby K's nap to last just a bit longer so I can catch up on some rest during the weekends. I have to constantly remind myself that I am a much better mom when I take some time to be alone and do something just for me. This weekend was a prime example. I came back home and wanted to cuddle with baby K every single second. Every time I looked at his face, I reminded myself, he will not be a baby forever. In fact, he got so used to snuggling with mommy that he gave his caretakers quite a hard time today! Oops! He was not happy until I arrived to pick him up. Normally he is such a happy baby, they were concerned and thought he wasn't feeling well. However, the moment I arrived he was laughing and ready for me to pick him up from the swing. My son's utter devotion to me is one of the best feelings ever. For now..it's enough. :)