Love

I love my family and friends but the kind of love I experience every time I look at my son completely overwhelms me. It is like no other kind of love. It literally feels like my very heart is outside of my body. I now know what it feels like to love someone more than yourself. He could wake up screaming at 3 in the morning for a bottle and diaper change, and I still feel this rush of love that takes over me. He makes me see the world in a different way. I can't keep up with the things that used to drive me. I am different. I am a mother. :)

My day is consumed by my baby. I forget to eat and do other simple things because he constantly needs me. Hours will go by and I'll realize I hadn't eaten since morning time. It is now late, but I wanted to update this really fast.

Love this blog

Love this blog by Booke Burke..http://www.babooshbaby.com/blog/?paged=3. And she even mentions sleep deprivation. Everyone says it does get better! Thank goodness!

Goodbye Sleep

I never thought I would be so happy with 3 hours in a row of sleep. I always heard that you can kiss sleep goodbye forever once you become a mother and it's the truth. All of my close friends know how much I love to sleep in but now if I only get 5 hours of sleep a day, I'm pretty good. For awhile there, Baby K was waking up every 2 hours to eat. That meant I only got an hour of sleep here and there. Everyone has told me say to sleep when the baby sleeps during the day but I find that impossible! I was never a nap person and so I would be up by the afternoon after only catching about 3 hours of sleep. I also wouldn't go to bed until about 1 in the morning because so many things were racing through my mind at night time. You would think I would just pass out once my head hit the pillow! So all week long, I have been pretty sleep deprived. Luckily my mom saw it and has really been a big help. She has been with me and has gotten up in the middle of the night to change and feed baby K during the past 2 days and I have never felt better.

I could see what was happening to me with the lack of sleep. I felt irritable and completely out of sync. I felt like I was just walking around in a daze. Today, with much needed sleep I feel almost like my old self again. I was able to get some work done and spend quality time with my son, not just changing, feeding, and rocking him to sleep. While he was in my arms today, I read him a story which I thought he was enjoying until he fell asleep in the middle of it. Oh well...he will eventually learn to love reading time. :)

So to single mom's who have no help, my heart completely goes out to you. It really helps to have someone take over some of the feeding times. A friend, close relative, or anyone you trust who volunteers to help, I suggest taking it, you will notice a big difference. Women want to do it all and have a hard time accepting help from others, believe me...I can relate but for the sake of your baby and you, take whatever help that comes along. I wanted to do everything all by myself and was okay with it until I started to crash and burn. I have already realized in order for me to be a good mom, I must also take care of myself. Even a nice long shower goes a long way now. Those few precious moments where I can just be under the water really helps to restore me. Thank goodness for my family and friends. They have been a tremendous help to me and will continue to be so. I won't run out of babysitters anytime soon. Thank you! But getting away for a bit has also been good because for even a short period of time you feel that ache inside of you telling you how much you miss your precious little one. It's really strange...maybe because I'm so used to being with him all of the time now that it feels foreign to go somewhere without him. But you just feel that stretch of distance between you and your baby, it's indescribable, all I know is that when I'm away whether at a doctor's appointment or getting something to eat around the corner, I can't wait to come back home and hold my little angel again.

Ahh..Motherhood

I have never been happier then being in the place where I am today. When I look at my baby it feels like he is the greatest accomplishment I have ever achieved. Every day he changes and I'm so glad to have this time to be at home with him all day long. He makes the cutest little expressions when he's hungry and when he's full. And so far, keeping my fingers crossed, he hasn't been very fussy at all. He does wake up about every 3 hours to eat and boy does he love to! It's so surprising since he's such a tiny little guy, afterall he was born 3 weeks early.

It all started when I went in for my regular doctor's appointment. Everything looked good until the lab results came in. My doctor came back into the room and told me I definitely had Toxemia and it was getting worse and I was getting more sick everyday. He said he wanted to induce me that night but if I wanted to wait, they would just have to monitor me more closely and that I would definitely be in worse condition. The only way to help me was by taking the baby out. But all I could think about was the baby. He reassured me that the baby would be fine and after I asked him for his suggestion, he told me that he strongly advised inducing me that night. So after leaving his office, everything was a whirlwind. Luckily, I had just packed my hospital bag the night before. My best friend came right over to my house to pick me up and take me to the hospital. I made a dozen calls to everyone, including my mom who was frantic. She was the one who made me pack my hospital bag because she kept saying over and over she had a feeling the baby would come early.

I ended up staying in the hospital alone that night after telling everyone I would prefer it that way. It was to be the very last night that he was going to be in my tummy and I really wanted to treasure those moments. Everytime I could feel him wiggling around in there made more of an impression on me. I spoke to him a bit telling him I couldn't wait to see him and that even though it was hard at times, I truly enjoyed carrying him around. The contractions kept getting stronger and stronger as the night wore on. I was becoming more and more anxious. Around 1 in the morning, they gave me a sleeping pill to help me relax since they saw that I kept tossing and turning. The contractions were a bit painful but not as bad as I imagined. However, a nurse came in around 3 in the morning because she saw that I was wide awake again since the contractions were so strong and suggested that I have the epidural right then. It wasn't bad at all and it did help a lot.

So that went on for most of Saturday but I had my whole support system with me. My friends and family were all gathered around. The whole room was filled awaiting his arrival. The nurse even commented on how lucky the baby was to have so many people excited to see him.
When the actual labor started, I will have to say it is something I will remember for the rest of my life! It was the hardest thing I ever did! Literally afterward, if felt like my body had gone through a war zone. The epidural wore off sometime during the middle of it but at that point I didn't care if I could feel the contractions or not and told the nurse and doctor so. Feeling the pain actually helped me to keep going. I had my two best friends in the room with me and they were an enormous help. I won't go into the full details of it but they saw how much I suffered. However, the moment they put him on me and had me cut the cord, I never felt so much relief to see how good he looked that the tears just start flowing for me and my friends. And now we are home and at this very moment he is napping. :)

I will try and be better at updating this now that I have healed pretty well.

He's Here

I have been MIA because after my bed rest last week, on Friday the doctor decided to induce me because I was getting pretty sick. He was born the very next day at 6:33 pm. It was one of the hardest things I have ever been through but incredibly worth it. I've been home with him this week and I have to say motherhood is amazing. I love being the one he turns to for all of his needs. The routine is pretty basic for a newborn. He eats, sleeps a lot, and dirties his diapers.

Today he is staying up a little longer which is good...so I can get a bit more sleep at night. :)
I have to say though not getting much sleep is working out for me. I thought I would feel really sleep deprived but I don't. I just sleep when he sleeps. I've been lucky to have a lot of help around because I'm still in the healing process and so I can't do very much. Gotta go now. Just wanted to give a quick update.

Bed Rest! Uh!

Well, the doctor gave me strict orders today to put my feet up. So no more working in the office until after my maternity leave. I feel like I'm going to be so completely bored, although I do still have a lot of things to do before his arrival. I took a tour the maternity ward yesterday and the rooms were beauiful! It was like a mini suite in a nice hotel. It made me even more excited for his birth.

Over the weekend my friends threw me a shower and it was quite eventful. I was up and moving around a lot so that probably didn't help my condition. It was such a beautiful event and I will put a few pictures on here. Thanks to all of my girlfriends!!! Now I will need the aunties to come over whenever they can to entertain me. :) The doctor said I'm in the beginning stages of Toxemia. He didn't even want me going back into the office today to tie up some loose ends, but he didn't give me a complete NO either. He just said no more work for me after today.

And believe it or not, I still have not had a chance to pack my hospital bag and sanitize his bottles. So in between putting my feet up, I hope to get those things done. I'm getting pretty anxious especially after he said he might have to induce me. They are going to be monitoring me and the baby twice a week now. I just need to relax!! No stress allowed for me. At least I will have a chance to update this more often. Well...until he is born. :)