Happy Holidays!!

I can't believe Christmas is almost here. This is Baby K's second Christmas. :) He still doesn't know much about Santa or anything, and I tried to get him to watch a bit of Polar Express...it was not happening. He's happier just playing, although, he loves Christmas music.

Ever since he has learned how to walk, he only knows one motion. I have a hard time keeping up with him, but that just means, when I have a chance to unwind, I take it! I hope everyone is staying safe and enjoying time with love ones. Happy Holidays to all! Maybe next year, I will do a better job on keeping this updated..and posting new pics.

Here is one from Halloween! He didn't really dress up because his costume was way too big and I really didn't want to take him out since he had a cold. But he has a cat face. Haha BTW, yes, he loves to play soccer. Already! I guess no ballet for him. Made my guy friends all happy. I kid I kid

Quick Updates

Baby K is staring at me right now because I have been online for awhile trying to catch up on some reading. Before I logged off, I just wanted to share with our readers what we've been up to lately. His b-day came and went. We celebrated with family and everyone saw just how energetic he is now. He is not one to sit still very long. A busy body is definitely my little man. Halloween was pretty fun . I painted his face like a little cat and he was quite cutie but he kept rubbing his face so by the end of the night, the whiskers were almost gone. We didn't trick or treat because he had a slight cold and I didn't really want him out in the cold. But we had fun anyways, he played with his little uncle who got to go trick treating.

We are a lot more settled into our new home and we love it! Everything is so much closer and just knowing if I have to run out somewhere and it's close by makes even happier. Today, I had lunch with some of my girlfriends and what surprised me was what they said, "You never take a break." Meaning, I hardly ever tear myself away from baby K. But this weekend, I actually got to do a lot by myself. Yesterday, he went to the outlet mall with a relative for a few hours while I sat in a bookstore and read fashion magazines with yummy coffee and today of course, I got to eat without him at a restaurant. My "Me" time is really nice because I come back just ready to play play play with him. We went to the park and baked cookies this evening! He is really turning into a cookie monster. If I want his attention, I just have to say, "Baby, you want a cookie?" and he stops what he's doing! In case anyone is wondering, he has officially stopped staring at me and is now trying to climb into his little swing. Ok, he just walked back over. Oh yes, he walking a bit now. A little wobbly but sooo adorable!!

Ok, gotta go, hope to update this again soon!!

Almost 1 !!!

I can't believe how big my baby has gotten. He is moving all over the place like a little tornado. I can barely keep up with him. The only time he is still is when he's peacefully asleep. And it takes forever for him to fall asleep!

Life has kept us pretty busy. We've moved and just have a lot of things to organize. On top of that, I have to keep him entertained. He doesn't like to be bored! So besides being a mom and working full time, I've hardly had time to do much of anything else. I remember when he was first born saying to myself, I really just want to dedicate myself to being a mommy. Sure I get very antsy at times and want to update my blogs more often and pursue other hobbies but I stop and remember, he is only this small for so long. I also tell myself, timing is everything and right now, he needs me a whole lot. One day, he won't need me as much but not right now that isn't the case, so I must soak up our moment's together.

Next week he is turning 1! My little man is seriously getting incredibly big. Makes a mama so proud to see all of the things he learns every day. And now the holidays are coming up again. I love this time of year. Makes me think of family and togetherness. Also, it makes me want to cozy up with a good book and just chill....

I hope everyone is enjoying the swirling colors of fall. That nip in the air is totally refreshing and rejuvinating.

My little rock

No matter how many times I get stressed out or upset about things, every night I come home with my adorable son and everything just seems to fade away. I thought about writing this post the other night when it really hit home. He was just crawling around the floor while I was sitting there stewing over the awful day I had when he started making these funny faces. I couldn't help but to laugh out loud. And what do you know my problems just seemed to melt away....

I can't believe how lucky I am to have a happy baby. Don't get me wrong, he gets into quite a bit of trouble now. He's a mischievous little fella. He already gives me the look when he's about to do something he's not supposed to be doing just to see if mommy is watching. All in all he helps me to breathe and realize there are more important things in life than to worry about what others think of me. Truly he has been my rock and anchor. He is what grounds me onto this earth and to want to continue on knowing tomorrow is full of other possibilities.

There are times like this evening when being a single mom is hard. There just doesn't seem to be enough time in a day. I want to spend all of my evenings giving baby K my undivided attention and playing with him but at the time same time try to get things done before he goes to bed. I want to be selfish and keep him up as long as I can to savor more fun moments together since work comes again all too soon the next day, yet also I want to give him a strict routine so he feels the stability and security that baby's just seem to need. It's all such an emotional confusion. Which is the right way to do what? All I know is that I hate coming home and trying to do the things I need to do and only then spend about 30 minutes playing with baby K only to feel completely exhausted! However, it is mommy who is giving him his bath and feeding him his dinner so even though it may not be play time, he does have mommy all to himself. :)
Speaking to other mom's about this seem to help me also. They feel the same emotional guilt and they have partner's to help them so I guess it just comes with the role. Venting does help and they give the best advice to help ease some of the worries I have. No matter what, my little rock has brought so many gifts into my life that I just want to continue and appreciate the precious moment's we have everyday. He seems to be growing up way too fast! He is going to be 1 soon. Goodness!

I will soon post some new pics on here. He has teeth now! Like all proud mom's, I think he's simply adorable!!

Lucky Baby

Just about a year ago, I remember nights when I would go to bed crying afraid of the future and how I will be as a mother. I was excited, scared, and..just nervous. Now it's summer time and my baby will be 1 soon! He's actually playing with some of his toys right now and letting mommy write this post. And he has on this adorable outfit that one of his aunties bought him. I just took the price tag off. It's his first time wearing it. He has clothes that I'm still trying to have him wear before he grows out of them. I actually just found this outfit. I can't believe he is still wearing things that we received as gifts. How glad am I that my friends had the foresight to buy him things that he could wear now instead of just infant things during my baby shower.

But as I put the outfit on him today, I realized just how incredibly lucky baby K and I really are....
I was so scared of not being able to provide for him enough or...just scared about many things in general...but you know ...whatever we both needed...somehow things have just worked out for us. It's really amazing. Baby K's grandma (my mom) works at a restaurant and the whole staff there just adores him..so they actually puree and makes his meals for him at least 2 - 3 times a week. And so he gets almost home made fresh ingredient baby foods a lot of our evenings. Sure...I've bought quite a bit of things for him myself...but I can honestly say a lot of the things baby K has, someone has given to him. And of course, I want to continue the cycle. I'm not sure when I'll ever have another wee one again...although I'm already yearning for one (ha, crazy I know), but I really see no point in holding on to too many things. I don't mind giving a lot of his clothes away. I hope baby K grows up to understand the gift of giving. You just never know where life will take you, I'm just glad to be surrounded by so much love. :)

The Happy Chauffeur

Baby K is starting to want to stand on his own now! Amazing how fast everything has come to pass. During this past weekend, we went everywhere together, errands, friends home, grandma's work, and bbq's. But the thing is...no one really wanted to see me, everyone waited expectedly to see the Little Man!! I was just his happy chauffeur driving us around town. He doesn't realize how lucky he has it right now. Haha
I wish I had someone driving me around to all the places I need to be at. It has been such a busy couple of months for us. We are in the process of moving homes. Actually we won't really move until September. It has a good school district and is much closer to work for me. The time on commuting will be cut by a lot which makes me soo happy because that means I will have more free time in the evenings. And who wouldn't love that? My nights and weekends are so much fuller with baby K around. It definitely makes life more interesting. The idea of wanting to provide a safe and loving home for my baby is first and foremost on my priority list. So for the next few months, I will also be looking through plenty of decor magazines and TRYING to cut back on buying things I don't need! I thought I cut back when he was first born, but now I really have to. But it's all exciting and sooo worth it. We are planning a trip to the zoo this weekend, I will try and post pics. He is definitely in his element whenever we are outdoors. Camping is a must sometime in the future.

Hope everyone is enjoying the summer weather! :)

Hello!!

Sorry it's been so long since I've posted. Baby boy has more energy than ever before. I have a hard time keeping up. I thought about the things I have now learned being a brand new mom:

1. All the bibs you get from baby showers do come in handy when they start eating solids.

2. Music is soothing...Bath time is soothing.....mommy holding baby and swaying is soothing.

3. Cloths put into the refrigerator and later used as a teething item is very comforting for baby.

4. There is no such thing as sleep again.

5. Your baby's laughter is like no other sound in the world.

6. You will over buy on baby clothes because everything is adorable on them.

7. Doing things with only one hand becomes a talent.

As other single mom's know...dating is a CHALLENGE. You just don't want to miss a single second of your baby's daily activity. But everyone tells me it's doable. I have met some interesting guy's...... but so far no one is more fun to be around than my little man!!

Any Second Guessing? No Way!

When I first broke the news of my pregnancy to friends and family, everyone had their fears and opinions especially since I told them I was going at it alone. My days may now consist of spit up, doing everything with one hand and collapsing into bed every night, it has also never been filled with so much love and light. I can't believe how one little person can really bring a family together. Yesterday may have been Mother's Day but I didn't really get to hold baby K until the end of the night! He was passed from person to person. It was nice to have such long hours to just sit and relax but by the end of the night, I was ready to hug and cuddle with my little butterball.

He now knows how to stretch his chubby arms out for mommy to hold him whenever I walk by his jumper. And how can a baby's laughter fill someone with such a happiness? So even though at this time last year, I was filled with so much fear, every time I look at baby K, I'm so thankful for the way everything has turned out in my life. Before baby K, it seemed like I was always searching for something, waiting for something else around the corner, something to happen. Baby K changes so much from day to day, I just can't stand to miss any second of it so I truly cherish our mommy and baby time. It's a very satisfactory feeling and I think that's why I go to bed every night feeling much more peaceful. Lastly from the friends and family who expressed their concerns last year, they are also the ones who have been sooooo incredibly good to me. They say it takes a community to raise a child and it's true! Baby K loves seeing them all.

Everything happens for a reason. And he is now the reason for getting up and trying to always stay positive no matter how the day is. He is a little sponge who picks on everything mommy is feeling. My little man keeps me in check. :) Life is too short to stay in miserable situations. It's meant to be filled with lot's of laughter and unforgetable experiences. I wish everyone could see that. Happiness is found right in front of you and not in some far future date. But this kind of topic belongs to my other blog. Hope everyone has a good week!!

Mindful Quality Time

Being a working mom, I'm not sure if I will ever get over the guilty feelings that wash over me every single day. As soon as baby K and I rush home in the evenings, most of the time our daily routines includes dinner, play time, and bath time. Since I hurry to get all these things done before our bedtime, I normally just go through the motions and think ahead to what needs to get done next.

The other day I was so completely distracted that baby K had a little accident. He is quite active right now and I turned away for just a second. I felt horrible! Like the worst mother in the world. It completely shook me and he was perfectly fine but I cannot stop tearing up every time I think about it. All through my work day, I was so emotional it felt like I was prego all over again! When someone asked me why I was so sensitive today I told him what happened. And he really put things into perspective for me. Other parent's have offered comfort too. And I feel slightly ok now....

It wasn't so much that baby K had a little boo boo, it was that I was distracted. It has made me much more aware of the fact that when I'm spending time with baby K my attention needs to be completely focused on him. He is growing so fast, I don't want to miss any second with him. When I'm feeding him, it's feeding time, just me, him, and food. When it's bath time, I sing songs to him, everything else is turned off. All he hears is my voice comforting him in the warm bath. I'm sure he won't remember any of these things, but I hope the feeling of security stays with him. I won't always be able to spend every second of my free time with him because of chores or whatever reason, but the times that I do, I want to make sure my complete presense is with him. I realize how precious every day is when I look at my baby. He was so tiny not too long ago and now he is getting so big! Everyone knows him as my little man because that's what I call him. His features are so different now. It seems like he got to this stage in just a blink of an eye. He is already trying to crawl!

Here is another picture of him from our past weekend! We had an awesome time out on the boat with family and friends. My little man enjoyed the attention way too much. :) For anyone who has been following this blog, can you believe how big he is?! Take everyday as a gift, because it truly is.....

Have a happy week!

6 months

I can't believe my little man is now 6 months and just rolling over all the time. He's very close to crawling but so far is mainly successful at scooting backwards. He is such a light in my life. I can't believe how much fun he is now. Just the other night, we were snuggling on the couch together and he grabs my face with both of his chubby hands and plants a wet one! My first kiss from baby K!

Tomorrow we are off to the doctor's for his 6 months check up. Can't wait to see his measurements. All I know is that I am gaining major muscle strength in my arms from lifting and carrying him everywhere. Since the weather was so nice today he got to be outside with his little friends at the daycare and is completely worn out. He's actually taking a nap. His bed time recently has been 9 pm and I go to bed a little bit after so that doesn't leave me much time or energy to update this blog. It's so funny because before baby K was born, I thought I would still be able to do so much...boy was I wrong. Now, it's about using my time wisely and planning wayyyy ahead! Gotta go fold baby K's laundry now. Hope everyone gets out this weekend and enjoy some sun. :)

Recent pic above taken by Auntie H!! Thank you!

Teething!!

Baby K has been gnawing on everything lately, and especially mommy's fist. The drooling has been never ending and all he wants is to be in the comfort of mama's arms. It's been awhile since I've posted. I've been completely distracted lately. As soon as I get onto some steady ground, I will be able to post like normal again.

Strange things have just been going on in my life and I feel like I'm all over the place. I can't seem to be still and just breathe. Need to work on that. Find my center again. I hope everyone will have a Happy Easter. I thought about doing an egg hunt for baby K. Not sure if he will enjoy it yet. We'll see. Besos!

A World to Discover

I hate that I don't update this blog more often. Life just seems to continue to move onto fast forward motion. Baby K's favorite words now are blah blah blah. I love driving and hearing his baby babble in our car rides. It's definitely better than some of the radio chatter that goes on! He's also gotten very attached to mommy. As soon as he sees mommy at his baby sitter's house, he's all smiles and reaching out his chubby arms. Mommy's singing makes him giggle, mommy's morning dance makes him laugh, and mommy's hand for some reason seems to fascinate him.

Whenever he hears a new voice, he immediately is riveted. I love discovering the world through my baby's eyes. Everything is so fresh and clear. I've definitely gained a better perspective through him. Sorry this entry is short, baby K needs his nap!

Ahh the weekend

I'm so glad it wasn't frigid cold this past weekend. Baby K and I enjoyed walks Friday,
Saturday and today. On Friday night, I took him out in a stroller, he loved it but kept staring up into mommy's face a lot then promptly fell asleep. By the time the walk was done, I was huffing/puffing and had a pretty good amount of sweat. Who knew pushing a stroller would turn into a workout?! I didn't! Haha But I felt exhilerated. Came home, fed Baby K, took a shower and he fell promptly back to sleep. I then got to watch Ghost Whisperper. I actually love the show!

So on Saturday, I took baby K on a walk in a baby carrier so that way he wouldn't fall alseep and instead enjoy the outdoor scenery. He loved that also! I can tell he was taking everything in. I hope he grows up to really appreciate and enjoy nature. Today, I tried the stroller again, not 5 minutes into the walk, he was falling asleep. We didn't walk for too long and now he's down for a nap. The weekends go by way too fast. I just hope the good weather keeps up so baby K and I can spend more time outside. He has a lot of energy for a baby!

Last but not least, I got to have lunch with Auntie H yesterday. I always come back so relaxed after enjoying a little adult leisure time. Everyone keeps telling me I need to do more of it, but how do I tear myself away from my favorite little man?? I'm sure the day will come when that becomes possible so in the meantime, I'll just keep reading about learning how to balance things! Hope everyone had a great weekend also!

I know I'm a mom because....

1. The slightest peep that comes out of baby K's mouth has me on high alert. Showering has not been the same.

2. I'm always running 10 minutes behind...everywhere. Gotta pack the diapers, extra clothing, formula...

3. When baby K is with grandma, running around doing errands is the most relaxing thing I do now.

4. I'm now a pro at eating and putting makeup on with one hand.

5. Mothering is so second nature now, I even mother those at work. Co-worker has the sniffles, I'm on hand with a cup of tea. :)

6. Hearing any baby cry now tugs at my heart.

7. I find myself distracted at work because I'm gazing at baby K's picture.

8. My face lights up the minute anyone asks me about baby K.

9. Songs on the radio that sing about any kind explicit thing worries me.

10. I wake up by at least 6:30 everyday including the weekends! :)

Here is a recent pic of the two of us!

Presense

I can't believe how fast time keeps speeding by. March is right around the corner. Ever since baby K was born, my life has just taken off into the fast lane. The only time we have to unwind is during the weekend. It's nice that it's been cold because we have an excuse to stay in, but warmer weather is coming and baby K is getting bigger and more antsy. I have a feeling we will be spending lot's of time at the playground and pool.

Work has also been keeping me extremely busy. But once the work hours are done and I'm staring into baby K's eyes, everything else just falls away. It's really tough sometimes to not bring work home. And there are days when I'm a bit frazzled and stressed, then I tend to be grumpy but when I feel that edge around baby K, I stop and check myself. He is a reminder to truly be in the moment. Because if I can't be fully present around him, I find myself losing patience. And patience is definitely something that baby K has taught me. When he's fussy and crying non stop, it's up to mommy to figure out what's wrong. Most of time, it's just from being tired.

Lastly in his presense, I try to always be cheerful. No matter how hectic my day may have been, when I go pick him up he always has the biggest smile when he sees me and it immediately sets things right again. He gets so excited to be around me, it's the most amazing feeling. To love this other little person so incredibly much and to see it reciprocated, I just can't even begin to capture it into words. Overall, it really just makes me feel blessed.

A moment to myself

Baby K is taking a nap right now. I wish I could update this more frequently but I'm still trying to find balance for everything. I keep trying to do everything the same as pre-baby, do my writings, keep in touch with most of my friends (old and new), do most of my cleaning during the weekends, but it's not happening! I realize today that something has to give. As baby K gets bigger, he stays away longer and need fewer naps. Sometimes, he pretty good at entertaining himself so that I can do other things, but then he just looks so adorable, that I end up playing with him most of the time or just cuddling.

And on weeknights when we get home, it's like he misses me so much during the day that all he wants is for mommy to hold and hug him. It's really very sweet. I never get enough of his hugs!! But I have to admit, I haven't gotten very much done in the past few weeks. When I think of the mounting list of things I need to get done, it's pretty overwhelming. I just need to take everyone's advice and remember baby steps and it's all one day at a time.

Someday I'll get around to it! Haha. I hope everyone has a Happy Valentine's day this weekend. Single or alone, it's a day to remember to love!!

And he keeps on growing

I can't believe baby K is almost 4 months old. The tiny little baby I brought home from the hospital has grown into a little chunky monkey. He is so engaging now. He loves to laugh, baby babble, and kick his legs up. Everyone who sees him calls him the butterball. I put some of his newborn clothing away the other day and it made me so sad. They are sooo small! I can't believe how tiny he was when I brought him home. Now he has rolls everywhere. :)

And he's just so fun to be around. He truly keeps me busy. Auntie H saw occupied he kept me on Saturday. He loves having someone play with him. The only time I can get some things done is when he's taking his short naps. When he's awake, it's play time again! Nothing makes him happier then when mommy is changing his diaper or sleeper. He loves being naked. As soon as anything comes off, he's kicking his legs and punching the air laughing. He's ready for karate lessons!

Summer needs to hurry and get here. I can't keep containing him inside the house with this weather. Luckily he's still small. I haven't really wanted to take him out too much because he had a tiny cold and an ear infection last week. Now, I've come down with a cold too. I hope to feel better soon to keep up with Baby K!

I had to post this pic up.

He loves to smile for the camera!

I Just Want to Make My Baby Happy

Having a baby means everything else comes second in your life. This past week, I even told my boss that no matter what, Baby K will always come first. The reason why I stated that is because in the first year a baby has a lot of doctor's appointments, ailments, and just other things that might prevent me from going into work. Luckily he totally understands but I just can't be the worker that I used to be. I used to work late all the time, and now as soon as the time comes for the work day to end, I rush off to pick my baby up. It seems like the evening hours are way too short and so I'm always in a hurry! The life of a working mom!

So by the weekend when I get to be with my baby 24/7, I tend to spoil him. Before I had him, I was this logical woman who read the books and understood the advice on what mothers should do with a baby. It all goes completely out the window when you finally have one of your own. In my Dr.'s waiting room this past week, I read in a baby magazine, that a child's cry is like a ticking time bomb to a mother's heart. How true is that! When I used to hear other baby's cry before, I would either get annoyed or be able to just drown it out. Now, the littlest peep that comes out of baby K's mouth, I'm instantly on high alert. Another mom was trying to soothe her baby when I went to pick baby K up at his childcare the other night and I told her, "I used to think it was really annoying to hear baby's whining but now that I have baby K, I actually think it's adorable sometimes." She understood and said, "It's just their way of communicating because they can't talk yet." Btw, her baby is totally cute with big chubby cheeks. When I go visit baby K during my lunch breaks and he's asleep, I pick this little guy up and comfort him when the other's have their hands full. Baby K has definitely brought out another side of me.

So back to my weekend, a lot of things gets pushed to the side when it's just me and him. His sad face and arms outstretched makes me drop everything just so that I can put a smile on his little face again. I barely even remember the life I had before he came along. Everything revolves around him. However, the time that I do have to get things done, it is used a lot more efficiently. I used to spend whole Sunday's doing nothing but watch movies and eat. I was pretty lazy! Haha! Now, I spend my free time doing a lot more writing and planning. I'm trying to reach the goals I have in mind for the year! I even had time today to write a longer post for this blog. Wow! I hope spring comes sooner this year. I don't know about anyone else but I think I'm just over winter. :) Ciao everyone!

The never sleeping baby

My baby is curious about everything around him. If he could, he would sleep with one eye open just so that he doesn't miss anything. Now I love spending time with him but I only have two arms. It's almost impossible to get anything done because when he's awake, he wants mommy to play with him, carry him, cuddle with him, and basically be where he can see me at ALL times. I keep reminding myself that one day, he's not going to want mommy around and so I try to do as much as I can when he's napping. But lately, napping doesn't happen very much or it doesn't last very long.

Auntie H visited on Sunday and sure enough Baby K was in his baby carrier. I love it because it allows me to have my hands free and at the same time he is still attached watching me do chores. I have to admit when I pass by a mirror, he looks adorable just hanging there like a little monkey and it also makes him laugh when he sees himself, but am I getting carried away here? I read about putting your baby in a carrier while doing things around the home and not just using it outside and I do like the idea of finally putting it to use but I think it's just making baby K get even more attached to mommy.

But he's growing so fast! Everyday he changes right before my eyes. I can't believe the tiny little newborn I brought home from the hospital just 3 months ago is now this baby who is getting pretty heavy in my arms! I am gaining major muscle strength. And he loves to play. As active as he is, I don't know how he can go so long without sleeping. However the little guy is asleep right now. Amazingly. Actually he has a tiny cold and so after a warm cuddle with mommy tonight, he fell into a peaceful sleep. I have a feeling he will be stirring soon so I better get other things done fast. Hope everyone is having a good New Year so far!

In My Baby's Eyes

Baby K's crying will wake me out of the deepest sleep in the middle of the night but the second his eyes sees my face he immediately breaks into a smile. He loves to have anyone smiling and talking to him. He giggles at whatever anyone says as long as that person is talking to him. And on so many occasions, when I'm holding him and he's staring up into the air just smiling away. It confirms for me that there are angels around. At first, I did think it was gas and that's why he would stare off into space and make a face, but now it happens all the time. He even does his baby gurgling and fist waving when he's looking up.

There is so much innocence in my baby's eyes that it's hard to believe the world can be a dangerous place. He looks at me with such open trust and adoration with his big brown eyes. And when his eyes fill with tears because mommy stepped away for a second, it literally breaks my heart to see it. He really is an extension of me. Whatever he feels, I feel it double the amount.

Lastly, I also believe there is wisdom behind his sweet stare. When I'm feeling overwhelmed and can't help but to break down and cry while holding him, he calmly looks at me as if to say, "it's all going to work out mommy." He makes me a better me.

Dating??

This blog is about putting it out there about my experience as a single mom, and well as a single mom, I am constantly trying to juggle everything. Work, chores, dinner, and spending quality time with my son. So on the topic of dating, it's hard for me to even imagine making time to do it. However, a lot of people have encouraged me to keep an open mind. The fear that I have is what if I meet someone I really like? That might take me away from my son even more...
Baby K's caretaker keeps advising me on the importance of having me time and not to feel guilty about it. Way easier said then done. However, I did some spend some time over the weekend with an old friend and he reminded me of what it feels like to be appreciated by a guy. We spent hours catching up and laughing. By the time I came home to my baby, I felt rejuvenated. It was really nice to have someone there to listen to me while I poured my heart out about everything that has happened over that past few years and months. Don't get me wrong, I have the greatest friends but having a guy's perspective and attention is slightly different.

Now I don't know if or when I will be ready to step back into the dating scene. But for now I'm still learning how to balance everything. No wonder I heard from so many other mom's the importance of balance. Guilt is a major factor! I feel guilty when I drop Baby K off in the morning. I feel guilty when I just want to bury myself in a novel for a whole day. I feel guilty when I silently beg for baby K's nap to last just a bit longer so I can catch up on some rest during the weekends. I have to constantly remind myself that I am a much better mom when I take some time to be alone and do something just for me. This weekend was a prime example. I came back home and wanted to cuddle with baby K every single second. Every time I looked at his face, I reminded myself, he will not be a baby forever. In fact, he got so used to snuggling with mommy that he gave his caretakers quite a hard time today! Oops! He was not happy until I arrived to pick him up. Normally he is such a happy baby, they were concerned and thought he wasn't feeling well. However, the moment I arrived he was laughing and ready for me to pick him up from the swing. My son's utter devotion to me is one of the best feelings ever. For now..it's enough. :)