Mom Equal Guilts

Being a mom has a lot of rewards. You have this adorable little person you can cuddle with and eyes that stare back at you with utter innocence. Living in this chaotic crazy world where everything is moving way too fast, nothing beats having your child stare into your eyes as you are feeding him or her. However, there is also another major downfall that comes with motherhood. I've heard it before but the actual experience of it really is bad. It is 24 hours of guilt. If I want a moment to myself to read an article and he's awake, I feel guilt. If I take too long to lift him out of his bed when he's crying in the middle of night because he's hungry, I feel guilt. I chide myself constantly for not being a good enough mother even though he seems like a fairly happy baby especially after getting his bottle.

Something tells me this will never go away. When I get that nagging feeling of guilt bubbling up, I have to stop and evaluate the situation carefully or it just eats at me. I actually talk myself through the whole scenario and eventually I either realize I'm being ridiculous or I chalk it up to a lesson learned. I have to constantly remind myself that I am a brand new mom who is utterly devoted to her son and only wants the best for him but there are things I have yet to learn. Oh and another thing, all of the women in my family like to point out what I need to do for my child. Now don't get me wrong, I love them very much but to constantly have them in my ear about how to swaddle him, how to feed him, how to burp him makes me want to scream!! I'm so glad to have this blog to vent about this. Now I have held my tongue which normally I don't do but I know they are only saying things out of love. I just go into my own world when they start their advice giving. And then I nod and say, "OK I will listen to you." As soon as they are out the door, I go back to how I take care of him. I am with my son all day long, I know how he likes to be taken care of and when there are questions, I immediately call his pediatrician or my other mommy friends. My family members have given me wrong advice so many times now I have learned to be careful when taking their advice. When the doctor put me on bed rest, they kept stressing to me to go out walking to help the pregnancy out. Just to shut them up, I asked my doctor if it was okay for me to go on daily walks and he sternly said, "No, I put you on bed rest, that means no daily walks." Thank you!

Aright, off to bed now. It's late, I never stayed up this late before baby, how am I going to survive the work schedule again once I go back???