The highs and lows

I always said I would be pretty honest with my blog. I have been on an emotional roller coaster since finding out I was expecting. I have never cried so much or so hard ever before. I cry from happiness, sadness, and worry. There have been plenty of late nights where I stay up thinking and feeling sorry for myself. Nobody told me it was going to be an easy path, and I didn't expect it to, but nothing could have prepared me for the deep sadness I have felt at times either. When I came back from grocery shopping on Saturday, it reminded me of how hard it is to do this alone. I had no one to help me carry all the bags in and afterwards, I felt some cramps. I definitely put my feet up for the rest of the weekend and also went to have my baby monitored on Monday. But my co-worker gave me a huge lecture that morning. She reminded me of all the people who love me in my life and how it was wrong for me not to ask for help from anybody. She said, "Don't you think everyone would be even more mad at you for not asking than if you did?"

I have just been so independent for so long that it's hard for me to lean on someone. However, for the safety of my baby....I will definitely be asking for more help from now on. Already, he is teaching me a few lessons. I need to let go and learn to trust more with everyone especially the people who I care about and the people who care about me.

Everyone at my work has been so supportive and protective of me during this time. I can't believe how fortunate I am to work with such great people. So even though, I have tough times and wallow in self pity every now and then, I try to remember how good I also have it. My girlfriends have been my rock, and my family loving too. So when I feel alone at times..I have to remember I never truly am. I have many around me and most importantly a little one who will make his arrival into the world very soon. Lastly, I want to mention one of the best highs that come from being pregnant...getting to feel your baby move inside of you. Each and everyday, he kicks or squirms around solidifies our bond even more. It never fails to take my breath away. I can just pass the hours away staring at my belly every time he moves. Luckily he does go to sleep or I would do nothing but sit and stare. And every night, I pat my tummy and remind him of how much mommy loves him. Singing and reading to my belly has now become a part of my routine because they say at this stage, they can hear now. At the end of the day, he is the last person in my mind. No matter who bothers me that day or who I need to call tomorrow, everyone else disappears when I close my eyes to go to sleep.... except for my baby.